I Cried After My TEDx Talk — and It Wasn't Because I Bombed

How facing my inner critic and redefining my identity led to a transformative experience on the TEDx stage

Have you ever cried after a major accomplishment, not from sadness or disappointment, but from the overwhelming realization of what you've overcome? That's exactly what happened to me after I walked off the TEDx stage a few weeks ago. 

It wasn't the 80+ hours of writing, rewriting, and practicing that brought on the tears. It wasn't even the nerves of stepping onto that iconic red dot. It was the culmination of a two-month journey of battling self-doubt and redefining my identity.

I found the red dot!

Becoming a TEDx speaker wasn't just about discipline and hard work; it was about a fundamental shift in my identity. While it took discipline to put in the 80+ hours of preparation, the real challenge was rewiring my self-perception.

I had to let go of the old "I can't" identity and step into a new one, just like I did when I finally wrote my book after years of procrastination. It's as James Clear says in "Atomic Habits": lasting change begins with changing our beliefs about who we are.

For years, my inner critic had convinced me I wasn't a writer. But when I started writing daily, that identity shifted. I became a writer, then a blogger, then a contributor to Forbes, and Harvard Business Review. Each small win quieted the voice of doubt, proving that my new identity as a writer was real.

Writing my speech on a cold Seattle morning

Similarly, even after being selected for TEDx, I didn't feel like a TEDx speaker. My inner critic clung to the old narrative. It took weeks of wrestling with those doubts before I finally sat down to write my talk. The transformation from "aspiring speaker" to "TEDx speaker" required a conscious effort to embody that identity before it felt true.

When I was at the TED conference this year in Vancouver, I asked other TED speakers what they did to prepare for their talk. All of them reinforced the shift they had to make with their identity. One person, in particular, played a huge part in how I approached my preparation for my TEDx talk. Dylan Marron and I happened to sit next to each other at a dinner one night during the conference. He wrote a book and has a podcast called, “Conversations with People Who Hate Me”. Check him out here. He emphasized the power of discomfort by practicing his talk out loud, everywhere. Dylan practiced his talk in the lobby of the TED conference as people stared, questioned, and even laughed at him as they walked by. He became that person who could present his TED talk anywhere, in any circumstance.

And so I did the same. I shifted my mindset, practicing my speech everywhere — in the car, on walks, even in the bathroom. If you saw me talking to myself by the South Beach Marina in San Francisco that Wednesday morning, hopefully, this explains everything. 

Practicing…

I embraced the discomfort of sharing my story with strangers, and slowly but surely, my confidence grew. I was no longer just practicing; I was embodying the identity of a TEDx speaker.

The moment I stepped on that stage, I knew I had won. I had overcome my inner critic and proven to myself that I could do hard things. The tears that flowed were a release of all the doubt and fear I had carried with me. They were tears of triumph, of self-discovery, and of gratitude for the opportunity to share my story with the world.

Feeling like a TEDx Speaker

If you're struggling with self-doubt or facing a daunting challenge, remember this: you have the power to redefine your identity and step into one that you define. It takes embracing the discomfort, silencing your inner critic, and reinforcing this identity out loud through your actions.

The tears you shed may just be the most rewarding ones you'll ever cry.

Call to Action: Have you ever faced your inner critic and emerged with a new identity? I’d love to hear your story.

The Extra Fun Highlights from my Tedx experience: 

• Practice sessions on Susannah Baldwin’s deck in Tiburon looking out at the bay. “Again”, she would say, lovingly, to that person I was determined to become. 

• Meeting other TedX speakers who were also creating new identities as TedX speakers. Shoutout to my Ted Bestie Mei Mei Fox who made the entire experience so much more fun. Thank you for trusting me when I said it was OK to steam my linen pants while I was wearing them and for listening to me practice outside under the trees, in 90-degree heat, and in the green room, over and over again.

  

  My TEDx bestie: MeiMei Fox

• “My person” who came to see me—Jeff Batuhan, former colleague and friend. Thank you, Jeff—we haven’t changed at all in 7 years. :)

  

  Jeff and me on the TEDx stage

• To Angela Hunte, the amazing composer and singer who saw my inner critic try to get me down one last time before I went on stage and said, “Don’t let fear take away the opportunity to tell your story”. Thank you, Angela, for your voice, and for helping me share mine. 

My TEDx talk will be available soon. I will share it in an upcoming post. Special thanks to Cindy Metzler and Erik Mintz, co-producers for Tedx Boca Raton. There is a reason why TEDx Boca Raton is one of the best out there.